Wednesday, July 10th

Food Tube

Let's talk for a minute about the state of food television.

When I was growing up, all cooking shows had three letters in common: P, B and S. The cooking shows my mother watched had only one name: Julia. That was it. I was watching Julia Child cook in that blue kitchen with the window planter before I ever touched a spatula. My mother watched and learned, making notations in her French Chef cookbooks.

Needless to say, the cooking show universe is much much bigger now. On most cable networks there is an entire network devoted to cooking called the Food Network. Many of its stars have only one name in the celebrity chef universe: Wolfgang. Bobby. Emeril (especially Emeril. Watch one episode of "Emeril Live" and you'll see those enamored fans, screaming "Pork fat rules!" and other Emerilisms at the drop of a tocque).

With that in mind, I've created a littleplate.com "Best & Worst" of food television shows. In absolute random order (like the way they select the final five finalists of a Miss USA pageant, but I digress), here are some of the contenders on TV today:

"Bobby Flay's FoodNation." In this show, Bobby Flay (owner/chef of Mesa Grill and Bolo in New York) travels the nation in search of good regional cooking. This is a great concept, and I love the way Bobby goes into the kitchens of mere mortals to perform sous-chef duty. I particularly enjoyed the episode in Vidalia, Georgia, which featured a baseball-mascot-sized Vidalia Onion guy. And Bobby's forays into previously undiscovered terrain (Indianapolis? Cleveland?) are impressive. However, must he be so cocky? And why wear a black turtleneck in Florida, for God's sake? Everyone already knows you're a New Yorker. I can't even discuss Hot off the Grill with Bobby Flay and his pointless sidekick, Jacqui Malouf.

"Jewish Cooking in America." In Joan Nathan's exceedingly fine public television series, she goes from household to household in search of the finest Jewish cooking in the United States. In other words, this is like Bobby's FoodNation, except that (1) everyone is Jewish, (2) when Ms. Nathan says "schmaltz," people listen, and (3) she is not condescending to her guests nor insistent that every dish include eighty-seven ingredients one cannot find outside of Manhattan. I have personally employed the rugelach recipe from this show to great effect, and the occasional borscht-belt Schmecky Green one-liners aren't bad either.

"30 Minute Meals" and "$40 a Day." I lump these Food Network shows together because they share a host (Rachael Ray) and a theme (numbers in the title). While I used to really enjoy each show, and I do find Ms. Ray to be genuinely enthused about her cooking and eating habits: enough already! If I hear that "money money MONey" theme song one more time, I'm going to throw $40 at the TV to make it stop. Also, every forkful that goes into Ms. Ray's mouth cannot possibly be as "perfect! Yummy! Amazing!" as she says it is.

"Emeril Live." You can't discuss the cooking show circuit without touching on Emeril, and I have to say that his live show is one of my favorites. I think that more even than a chef (as evidenced by his apparent inability to get into the kitchen in ANY of his restaurants), this man is an entertainer. Women love him. Men wish they were him. And, half cup of garlic by bottle of wine, I haven't seen anyone so passionate about food, and about making Everyman feel worthy of the Calphalon, since my beloved Julia. A-plus for effort, Mr. Lagasse.

"Charlie Trotter's Kitchen Sessions." Snore. What? Sorry. Fell asleep as soon as I started watching this incredibly pretentious and unattainable ego trip of a show. "Kitchen Sessions"???? Charlie Trotter and Charlie Parker are not the same person, and I think that's all I need to say. I know it shouldn't, but it bugs me that the man won't serve hard liquor in his restaurant. I'm going to spend $200 a head, and I can't get a decent bourbon and water before my dinner

"Legendary Hangouts." I love this show. Morley Safer can show me around New Orleans any time. I think this is an ideal marriage of a "real" journalist and an interest in food, and it's a real pleasure.

"Julia and Jacques: Cooking at Home." I could not possibly discuss food-related television without talking about Julia Child. This show is wonderful. It so happens that Ms. Child and Monsieur Pepin are old and great friends who happen to know a hell of a lot about great cooking, and it shows. The episode about hamburgers is not to be missed. American foodies owe a lot to these two, and I recommend that you watch this show even if you think you wouldn't ever eat finicky French food or anything that required a pound of butter. And when you have watched this whole series, get "Baking with Julia" and/or "In the Kitchen with Master Chefs" from PBS Home Video. (Julia's recipe for Stuffed Tomatoes Provencal - amazing in the summer - is to the side of this article.)

So it comes full circle. PBS still offers primo food programming, supplemented by all the competition. I would encourage anyone to turn on their TV for inspiration and instruction in the kitchen. There are shows for any and every taste, and you might even learn something.